donderdag, november 08, 2007

Hehe

I thought there was way too little Flemish triumphalism after the successful vote on BHV yesterday, so here is my personal little Flemish message to all you francophones and francophone lovers:

donderdag, september 27, 2007

400


The unions have always opposed the independence of Flanders. The reasons aren't hard to figure out.

For the Walloon unions it's a matter of money. They need Flanders to keep paying for the French regime that turned Wallonia into a red welfare heaven, a pool of inescapable misère filled with union members and general redness.

For the Flemish unions it's a matter of muscle. The Flemish unions have to deal with a tough crowd of Flemings, of whom most actually enjoy their work and aren't therefore what you'd call "strike material". So they need the Walloon unions, who've got their ranks filled with hardcore, semi-commie syndicate mongs who aren't afraid to lay down work, form a picket, roll in the kegs and fire up the BBQ to stand up for their co-workers right to, eeeeeuuuh….. I dunno, get toilet paper with more then three layers?

Anyhow, it didn't come as a surprise when the unions started a petition against separation. To get some extra media attention and, who knows, maybe ome Flemish signatures, the unions announced that 400 "bekende Belgen" (known Belgians) had already signed the petition.

Today I visited the petition website. I must admit I was kind of curious to find out who these brave known Belgians were, these heroic 400 who stand tall in the pass of Brussels to face a barbaric horde of 6 million raving, fascist Flemings who are about to trample the poor, defenceless Walloons by stopping to send blank cheques. I needed to know.

I clicked on the list of known Belgians, looked at it and thought…

WHO THE FUCK ARE THESE PEOPLE?

Thank God they put the job description with some of them, so I can kinda recognise maybe 5%. And who knew that union people, who represent a shitload of the names on the list, are such popular icons nowadays? Do your kids have a poster of, mmmmm….. let's see, Joost Dierick, hoofddelegee ACV- metaal Bekaert Zwevegem, hanging in their rooms? And wasn't Hugo Claus senile the last few years? Wim "bring back my Palm" Opbrouck? Vital"tettekeruis"ski?

Jesus tittyfucking Christ. Are we supposed to take this seriously?


dinsdag, september 25, 2007

Vlaams Belang, the Belgian parasite

One of the things that I hate most in this country is the fact that when a Flemish person opens his mouth to defend the Flemish point of view, the francophones immediately accuse him of being a member of the fascist organisation called Vlaams Belang. Sometimes this argument is used as a malign strategy: demonise your opponent as a fascist so you don't have to listen to what he says. But most of the time the francophones who use this argument, genuinely believe it. This is quite ironic, given the fact that the rise of Vlaams Belang is largely due to the francophones and that Vlaams Belang would immediately implode if Flanders would decide to secede. Allow me to explain.

Although the underlying motivation differs, the Flemish are in a certain sense very comparable to the citizens of the United States, in so far as they both deeply distrust their federal government. The Flemish motivation for this almost genetic aversion for all central authority lies in the fact that the Flemish have always been ruled by foreign nations, making each central government looked at as a strange, annoying and interfering thing that has absolutely nothing to do with looking after the welfare of the people. This is the source for the Flemish proverb "Wat we zelf doen, doen we beter" (we do better what we do ourselves) and to the Flemish habit of mainly identifying yourself with the city you're from.

This Flemish sentiment did not change after the start of Belgium. On the contrary, the Flemish were now a second class people in a French dominated state, in which all important private and government positions where kept out of Flemish hands. The Flemish have always regarded Belgium as a French State, in which they were barely allowed to participate. "La Belgique" existed, "België" never did. The last few decades, the Flemish have made a surge, both economically, politically and culturally. Nevertheless, certain public sectors (like justice and foreign affairs) still remain firmly in French hands. Needless to say that the Flemish grudge against the French establishment was and is very strong.

In light of the above, it is only natural to assume that after the decline of the classical pillar like structure of Belgian society (with a socialist, a liberal and a catholic pillar) an anti-establishment party would score quite well with the Flemish. Problem was that the anti-establishment vote was tapped by Vlaams Belang, one of the most destructive parties ever to exist in Flanders, whose main strategy consist of looking for pain points in society and then squeezing them. This squeezing provokes a scream of agony in the patient that translates itself in votes for a party that never managed to come up with any solution for the problems it so eagerly lays bare. Is this a racist vote, as the francophones as all too eagerly willing to believe and say? Nah, the Flemish aren't racist, they're one of the most tolerant people in the world, just look at their very liberal viewpoints on a matter like homosexuality. The Flemish are just anti-establishment and Vlaams Belang gives 'em what they need to kick some establishment ass.

Why can't Vlaams Belang come up with any decent solutions? Because there is no one Vlaams Belang. The political personnel of Vlaams Belang consist of a large base of what we'll call "filler". They are basically voting machines that do as the party big shots decide. The big shots of the party do not all share the same political philosophy, they are an amalgam of three very different groups with one common objective: the immediate separation of Flanders.

The first group consists of ultra liberals (in the European sense of the word), genre Hugo Coveliers, dark blue conservatives who want to get rid of Wallonia because it is a socialist shithole. Then we have the ultra Flemish nationalist group, who want the immediate and unilateral separation of Flanders (contrary to the nationalists in NVA, who want a soft divorce). Last but not least there are the neo-fascists, who want to separate from Wallonia because of some bullshit Blood and Soil nazi belief.

Anyway, even though Vlaams Belang more or less succeeded in keeping a unified front, you can imagine it to be kind of hard to formulate decent and coherent solutions to the nations problems with a motley crew like that.

If Flanders would ever secede, the main force that binds the different factions within the party HQ would be gone, making the party instantly fragment into different niche parties that not a Fleming would give a shit about. Vlaams Belang would be dead in a minute and the Flemish would finally be governed by those who have the most interest in their welfare, the Flemish themselves, taking away the very manure that made the Vlaams Belang parasitic flower blossom so abundantly.

With Vlaams Belang out of the way, the socialists could once again pick up their classic role of the democratic anti-establishment party in a mainly conservative country, in so far as there will be an anti-establishment vote left in an independent Flanders.

vrijdag, september 14, 2007

Belgian Democracy

Two or three weeks ago I read an interview with Gérard Deprez, MR hang around and successor of Hugo Schiltz' presidency of the R.G.O.O.F.W.D.H. ("Royal Guild Of Old Farts With Dyed Hair"), in "De Morgen", the only newspaper in Belgium where the economic news is a one page appendix of the sports section.



Anyhow, Deprez said something interesting in that interview. He tried to shed some light on the inner workings of francophone reasoning. He explained that, while Flanders has the financial means and the political know how to successfully manage newly delegated federal powers, the majority of the francophones do not have the same faith in their own political leaders to do so. Therefore, a delegation of power that seems perfectly rational from the Flemish point of view, might sound like a very bad idea to a Walloon who thinks it to be wiser to just keep that power on the federal level, where it has a better chance of getting some decent management.

This is one of the most disgusting arguments I have ever heard.

Deprez is trying to get the argument across that the Walloon people are the helpless victim of the evil PS, which we all despise, and as a Fleming you should understand that it's not wise to give those red dickweeds any more power.

Uuhhhh… sure, and who was it again that helped these PS assholes into office? Right, the Walloons. And when it was clear to everybody that the PS was heftily ass-raping Wallonia for all its worth, did the Walloons, like, stop voting for them? Nope…

So what Deprez is actually saying here, and Gérard can correct me if I'm wrong, is that francophones deliberately vote for shitty, corrupt, good for nothing political leaders and then try to keep those scumbags away from real power by placing it on a federal level, where they have to share it with Flemish politicians. That's how you create a situation where you can count on your local feudal PS lord to get you a job at the community as chief ass-scratcher, to arrange for a place for your granny in the retirement home and to give your chronically unemployed nephew ("he has a bad knee!") some nice social housing, all in exchange for your vote. But to pay for it all, the country's economy has to, like, run decently. You can't count on those Walloon douchebag politicians you voted for, so we better leave the running of the country to the federal level where there are, you know, Flemish people who seem to have some weird and boring fixation on organising shit the right way. That way, your own incompetent, Walloon excuses for politicians can keep on bribing and pampering you to keep in power while the Flemish guy works his ass off to keep the country running in a more or less orderly fashion. Pretty sweet, huh!

In a democracy, power lies with the people. Power implies responsibility. In a democracy, responsibility means that if the people choose bad leaders, they will have to suffer the consequences of their choice. In a democracy, the people deserve their leaders.

Problem is, Belgium ain't no democracy. In Belgium you can vote whatever the hell you want, as long as your neighbours are rich enough to pay for you mistakes. And if those rich assholes start complaining, hell, they'll just have to understand that it's not your fault, it's the fault of your leader.

donderdag, juni 14, 2007

The aristocrats

The filthiest joke in the world, cartman version:



Finally, a rational voice in the climate debate

vrijdag, maart 02, 2007

Vlaams Belang gaat terug naar de roots

Gisteren kondigde Vlaams Belang aan dat het gedaan ging zijn met de 'softe' aanpak. De partij gaat weer voor de harde lijn en grijpt voor de verkiezingen resoluut terug naar de partijstandpunten die haar groot hebben gemaakt, zoals daar zijn:

- Charismatisch leiderschap:



- Goede arbeidsvoorwaarden:



- Een efficiënt openbaar vervoer:



- Een betere begeleiding van allochtonen:



- De jeugd op school terug laten kennismaken met de klassiekers van de literatuur:



- Een betere bescherming van bepaalde dieren:



- Meer buurtfeestjes tegen linkse verzuring organiseren:



- Meer politie op straat voor een knusser en veiliger gevoel:





dinsdag, februari 27, 2007

Screw you Proximus, screw you very much

Belgian advertising has hit a new low with the Proximus "Family Calls" campaign. It's an add about some new Proximus money making scam, but that's not the point. Point is that bouletten, peas and mashed potatoes have never been portrayed in a more disgusting, vomit-inducing, utterly revolting way.

This commercial is usually aired right before dinner, making my favourite time of day just that little bit less agreeable. So to all you women out there who would like their BMI to reach Nicole Richie-like lows, enjoy:




maandag, januari 15, 2007

Gatverdamme!

Rembo & Rembo remain the undisputed kings of the finest form of comedy known to man: turd jokes...

zondag, januari 07, 2007

Those mullahs aren't that bad!

They're actually pretty reasonable if you just give 'em a chance to really explain the true word of allah:



NOT

zondag, december 31, 2006

The God Delusion

Richard Dawkins is the Main Man. Buy and read his latest book, "The God Delusion". Now available in Dutch under the title "God als misvatting". It's the Bible for all you atheists out there. It's beautiful, eloquently written and it confirms everything you ever knew but could never quite put your finger on concerning the bullest shit ever conceived by humankind: religion.

For all you illiterate and lazy bums out there, here's the TV documentary (all 2 episodes):

1. The God Delusion:



2. The Virus of Faith:

dinsdag, december 26, 2006

Sex machine, HUH!

This evening, on Christmas day of all days, I overheard Jan Becaus state the words "sex machine" on the news. Which was nice.

James, your death was not in vain. Respek!

maandag, december 18, 2006

Walloons abandoning Wallonia to boldly mooch where no others have mooched before

Belgo – Shocker today in Belgium as the Walloon Minister President Elio Di Rupo announced that al Walloons will be leaving Belgium in the following weeks.



"It's been a good ride", Di Rupo said, "we've been mooching of the Flemish for a good 150 years now. Which is the longest mooching session we've ever been able to pull of in our entire history as a people."

With this shocking news, it became clear that the Walloons did not originate from Wallonia, but have in fact always been a nomadic tribe, wandering from State to State, living of the land and local social benefit laws.

Di Rupo: "Yup, and Belgium was a pretty decent spot to set up camp, I'll tell you that. We're still a bit shaken by the huge things we've been able to pull off here, it's the stuff of legends! I mean, convincing those schmucks to abandon the Netherlands on itself is an achievement of epic proportions. But the Flemish eventually got on to us, finally, after one-hundred-and-fifty-fucking-years! (laughs hysterically to the point where he has to change pants)



Those guys were never very quick, I'll tell ya."

Apparently, the mock RTBF newsflash about Flemish separation was the agreed collective signal for the departure of all Walloons.

Di Rupo: We got it all figured out, now we can go to France and collectively seek asylum for protection against the "evil Flemish separatist hordes". After that fake broadcast, they'll take us in like it ain't no thang. I predict some serious mooch action going on down in good ol' France! Huhuhuhuhuhuhuuuuuuu!"

Reaction from the Flemish Minister President Leterme concerning the massive evacuation of Walloons to France:



Question remains what the Flemish will do with the abandoned Walloon Provinces.

High ranking civil servant: "Problem is they never really constructed anything of value down there, they didn't invest in anything they couldn't move on their back or on a pushing cart. A few wild pigs, some used up coal mines, an adventure parcours in Durbuy and an abundance of uninhabitable social housing, that's about all we have to build up a new economy. We're seriously thinking about making it into a kind of wildlife preserve, maybe catching some stray Walloons and putting them there so our kids can still see 'em in controlled circumstances, you know, for educational purposes."


Artistic rendering of Walloon specimens in wildlife preserve.


To be continued.

dinsdag, december 05, 2006

Prima föhntje hoor!

maandag, november 20, 2006

Unlucky Alf

Look at this little Fast Show gem I found on youtube:



Bugger!